30 Day Sex Challenge: A Day-by-Day Plan for Couples

A 30 day sex challenge is a simple way to shake up a routine: one small, sexy idea a day, for a month. It isn’t about how often you have sex. It’s about making time for each other, trying things you’ve been meaning to try, and finding out what you both love.

Plenty of days here aren’t sex at all: a long kiss, a massage, a conversation, a flirty message. Others are properly hot. The month builds gradually, from reconnecting in week 1 to kinky and adventurous in week 4.

How the challenge works

• One idea a day. Read it together in the morning so you’ve got all day to think about it.
• Sex every day isn’t required. If today’s idea leads to sex, lovely. If it doesn’t, you’ve still done the day.
• Swap, skip or repeat freely. Move days around to suit your week. Repeat the ones you loved.
• Both of you have to be into it. Agree your limits first, pick a safeword for the kinkier days, and remember any idea can be skipped, no questions asked.

Week 1: Reconnect

Slow down and get back in touch, literally.

1. The wish list. Each of you writes down three things you’d love from this month, then swap. If you’d like to compare more privately, fill in our yes/no/maybe list separately.
2. The long kiss. Kiss for a full minute when you say goodbye in the morning and again when you see each other in the evening. No rushing.
3. No phones. Put both phones in another room for the evening and spend it on each other. See where it goes.
4. The massage. Give each other a 20-minute massage with warm oil. No sex required, no expectations.
5. Sexy questions. Take turns asking each other ten questions from our sexy questions to ask your partner. Listen properly to the answers.
6. Bath or shower for two. Wash each other slowly. Notice what makes your partner sigh.
7. Slow sex. Undress each other one item at a time and take twice as long as usual over everything.

Week 2: Explore

Try new things together, still playful and easy.

8. Sext all day. Send each other flirty messages through the day, getting bolder by the evening. Our sexting examples help if you’re stuck.
9. Show and tell. Show your partner exactly how you like to be touched, by touching yourself while they watch, or guiding their hand with yours.
10. New position. Try a position you’ve never done. Laugh if it doesn’t work, then try another.
11. Toy night. Use a toy together, or go shopping for one and each choose something for the other.
12. Roll the dice. Let our sex dice pick an action and a body part, and do what they say.
13. Truth or dare. Play a round of truth or dare, taking the dares from our dares for couples. Skip any you like.
14. A different room. Anywhere private in your home except the bedroom. Lock the door and close the curtains.

Week 3: Turn up the heat

Bolder, slower and more teasing.

15. Blindfolded. One of you wears a blindfold while the other teases with fingers, lips, ice and feathers. Taking away sight turns every touch up. (See sensory deprivation.)
16. Going down. Go down on your partner for as long as they like, with no rush to move on. Swap another night this week.
17. Edging. Bring your partner close to coming, stop, and do it again, three times before you let them finish. Our edging games turn it into a game.
18. Strip tease. One of you gives a slow strip tease or lap dance to a song the other chooses. Hands off until the song ends.
19. Talk dirty. Say out loud what you’re doing and what you want next. Not sure what to say? Try our guide to what to say during sex.
20. Dress up. Wear something your partner has always wanted to see you in, whether that’s lingerie, a suit or nothing but a smile.
21. Foreplay only. At least 45 minutes of kissing, touching and teasing, with no intercourse. Our foreplay games give you plenty to fill the time.

Week 4: Kinky and adventurous

A taste of kink, with limits agreed first and plenty of checking in.

22. Tied up. Tie your partner’s wrists with soft cuffs or a loosely tied scarf and take your time. Our guide on how to tie someone up covers the safety basics.
23. A spanking. Start light, warm up slowly, and check in between sets. Our page on spanking explains how.
24. In charge. One of you gives every instruction for the evening, the other follows (or uses the safeword). Swap next time.
25. Roleplay. Meet as strangers, or play a boss and an employee (both adults). Our roleplay ideas generator picks a scenario for you.
26. Hot and cold. Run an ice cube down your partner’s body, then warm the spot with your breath or a drop of warm massage oil. (Temperature play)
27. A kinky game. Pick one of our BDSM games for couples, like the tease timer or the orders deck, and play it tonight.
28. Permission to come. One of you has to ask, nicely, before they’re allowed to finish. (Orgasm denial)

Days 29 and 30: The finale

29. Your best night. Plan an evening built from your favorite days of the month, whether that’s at home or in a hotel room booked just for the two of you. The scene planner can help you put it together.
30. Look back, look ahead. Talk about what you loved, what surprised you, and what you’d never do again. Then start a sex bucket list of what’s next.

More sex challenges for couples

Not ready for a whole month? Try a shorter challenge:

• The 7-day kiss challenge. A full minute of kissing every day for a week.
• The weekend challenge. Pick any four days from above and do them over one weekend.
• The no-sex week. Touch, kiss and tease all week, but no sex until Saturday. The anticipation does the work.
• The new-thing-a-week challenge. One new thing every week for a month, chosen in turns.
• The dare-a-day challenge. Draw one of our dares for couples each morning and do it by bedtime.
• The kinky advent calendar. Twenty-four small doors from December 1 to 24, cozy first and kinkier by Christmas Eve. Open one a day on our free kinky advent calendar, or start your own 24 days any time.
• Kinktober. A small kink prompt for every day of October, on our Kinktober challenge page.

If you miss a day

You will, and that’s fine. Pick up where you left off, or jump to the day you’re most excited about. Don’t double up to “catch up”: that turns it into homework. A 30 day challenge that takes six weeks is still a success.

If you keep skipping the same kind of day, that’s useful to know. Talk about it, swap in something you’d both enjoy more, and move on.

After the 30 days

Check in properly. Ask each other:

• Which three days would you happily repeat?
• Was there anything you didn’t enjoy, or would do differently?
• Did anything surprise you about yourself or each other?
• What would you like to try next?

Look after each other, too. If the kinkier days brought up big feelings, make time for aftercare: a cuddle, a drink of water and a gentle chat.

Then keep the good habits. Keep a “repeat” list on the fridge door (or somewhere more discreet), write a sex bucket list together, swap a few sex coupons, and browse our list of kinks and sex games for couples for your next month.