Sexy Questions to Ask Your Partner: 100 Flirty to Kinky Questions

The sexiest conversations aren’t always in bed. Asking your partner what they love, what they crave and what they’ve never told you is one of the quickest ways to better sex, and one of the most fun. Here are 100 sexy questions to ask your partner, from flirty to kinky.

Ask them over dinner, on a long drive, or on a lazy morning. Answer them yourself too, and never push: “I’d like to think about that” is a perfectly good answer.

How to ask

• Pick a relaxed moment, not mid-sex or after an argument.
• Go both ways. Answer the same question yourself.
• Listen for the “more of” and the “less of”. That’s the useful part.
• Write things down. A shared list of “things to try” is a lovely thing to build together.

Flirty questions

Easy openers.

1. What did you first find attractive about me?
2. What’s your favorite thing about my body?
3. When do you think I look sexiest?
4. What’s the best kiss we’ve ever had?
5. Where do you most love being kissed?
6. What’s something I do that drives you crazy, in a good way?
7. What outfit of mine do you like most?
8. What’s the flirtiest thing I’ve ever said to you?
9. What’s a compliment you’d love to hear more often?
10. When did you first want to kiss me?
11. What’s your favorite way to be touched that isn’t sexual?
12. What do you think about when you miss me?
13. What’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever done for you?
14. What’s the most attractive thing about my personality?
15. Do you like it when I make the first move?
16. What’s a song that makes you think of us in bed?
17. What’s your favorite memory of a night we spent together?
18. What’s the cheesiest thing about us that you secretly love?
19. Do you prefer slow kisses or lots of little ones?
20. What’s something small I could do tomorrow that would make you feel wanted?

Turn-ons and desire

What really gets them going.

21. What’s your biggest turn-on?
22. What’s your biggest turn-off?
23. What’s the quickest way to get you in the mood?
24. What time of day do you most want sex?
25. What’s your favorite thing I do in bed?
26. What’s one thing you’d like more of in bed, starting tonight?
27. Is there something you’d like less of?
28. What’s your favorite position, and why?
29. Do you prefer slow and sensual or fast and urgent?
30. What words do you love hearing during sex?
31. Do you like it when I’m quiet or when I’m loud?
32. What do you find sexier: lingerie or nothing at all?
33. What do you want me to do with my mouth that I haven’t done yet?
34. How do you like to be touched when you’re already turned on?
35. Do you like to be teased, or do you prefer getting straight to it?
36. What’s something I’ve done in bed that you still think about?
37. How long do you want me to tease you before you get what you want?
38. What’s your favorite thing to do with your hands, and with your mouth?
39. Do you like it when I tell you what I want?
40. How do you most like to come: with my hands, my mouth, or a toy?

Fantasies

Fantasies are for sharing. Acting on them is a separate conversation.

41. What’s a fantasy you’ve never told anyone?
42. What’s the hottest dream you’ve ever had about me?
43. Is there a scene from a film or book that turns you on?
44. If we had a whole weekend with no plans, how would you want to spend it in bed?
45. What’s the most outrageous place you’ve ever fantasized about having sex with me?
46. Have you ever fantasized about roleplay? Who would we be?
47. Which toy would you most like me to use on you, and where?
48. Is there something you’ve always wanted to try but felt shy to ask?
49. Would you like to watch something steamy together, or read something?
50. What’s a fantasy you’d only ever want to talk about, never do?
51. Would you like us to film or photograph ourselves, just for us?
52. Do you ever fantasize about being watched, or watching?
53. Have you ever had a fantasy about a threesome?
54. What’s the wildest thing you’d like to try once?
55. If you could design our perfect night, start to finish, what would it be?
56. What would you do if I let you do anything you wanted for an hour?
57. Is there a costume or outfit you’d love me to wear?
58. What’s your favorite fantasy about us right now?
59. What do you think about when you touch yourself?
60. What would you like us to try before the end of the year?

Kinky questions

For couples who are curious about kink.

61. Do you like being in charge in bed, or being told what to do?
62. Would you rather tie me up or be tied up?
63. How do you feel about a playful spank? Gentle, firm, or not at all?
64. Would you like me to blindfold you and do whatever I want (within your limits)?
65. Praise or degradation: does either turn you on?
66. What would you like me to call you in bed?
67. Would you like to try edging or orgasm denial?
68. Is there a kink you’re curious about but nervous to mention?
69. What’s a hard limit I should always remember?
70. What’s a soft limit you might want to explore one day?
71. Would you like to try roleplay? What scenario?
72. How would you feel about me giving you rules for a day?
73. What would your perfect scene look like?
74. Biting, scratching or hair pulling: any of those for you?
75. Would you like to try wax or ice play?
76. Would you like to be held down while I use a toy on you?
77. What safeword would you choose?
78. Do you like marks the next day, or would you rather not?
79. Would you like to go to a sex shop together?
80. What would you want to beg me for?

After sex

The questions that make sex better next time.

81. What was your favorite moment tonight?
82. Was there anything you’d like me to do differently?
83. Did anything feel too much, or not enough?
84. What do you need from me right now: cuddles, quiet, water, a snack?
85. How do you like to be held afterward?
86. Is there something you wanted to ask for but didn’t?
87. What made you feel most wanted tonight?
88. Would you like to do that again?
89. Is there anything you’d like to talk about tomorrow, when we’re not sleepy?
90. What’s one thing we should definitely try next time?
91. Did you feel safe and comfortable the whole time?
92. What do you love about how we are together in bed?
93. Is there a new thing you’d like to add to our list?
94. What’s the best thing I said tonight?
95. Do you feel close to me right now?
96. Would you like more aftercare after nights like this?
97. What’s your favorite thing about our sex life right now?
98. Is there anything that’s been on your mind about sex that we haven’t talked about?
99. What should we make time for more often?
100. Can I tell you my favorite moment too?

Turning answers into action

If a question opens a door, step through it slowly. Our yes/no/maybe list helps you find shared interests without pressure, and our scene planner turns them into a plan with safety built in. For kinks you’d like to try, read about aftercare and safewords first.

Prefer a game? Try truth or dare questions, dirty would you rather questions or our kinky sex ideas.