What is a BDSM negotiation checklist?

It's a list of everything to agree on before a scene: who leads, your safeword and signals, health issues, hard and soft limits, which activities are a yes, maybe or no, how intense it should be, and what aftercare each of you needs. Going through it together means nothing comes as a surprise.

Do we need to negotiate every time?

Yes, at least briefly. A long first conversation can become a quick check-in once you know each other well, but limits, health and mood change. If you're trying something new, negotiate it in full first.

What if we're not sure about something?

Mark it maybe or leave it out. Anything that isn't a clear yes is off the table for this scene. You can always come back to it next time.

Is what I type saved or sent anywhere?

It's saved in your browser on this device only, and nothing is sent to us. If you share it, your answers travel inside the link itself, so only send it to the person you're planning with.

How is this different from a BDSM contract?

This checklist is for a single scene. A contract describes an ongoing dynamic: roles, rules and limits over weeks or months. Many people use both. See our BDSM contract template for the longer version.

Free planner for couples

Scene negotiation checklist

Everything to agree before a scene, in one place: safewords and signals, health, limits, what's a yes, maybe or no, how intense, and what aftercare you each need. Fill it in together, then print it or share it.

How to use it

• Fill it in together, or each fill in your own and share links.
• Do it calmly and fully clothed, well before the scene, not in the moment.
• A plan isn't a promise. Either of you can change your mind or stop at any time.
• Everything stays in your browser. Nothing you write is sent to us.

The basics

Names or nicknames

Partner 1

Partner 2

When and where

Who leads?

Roughly how long?

Safety

Agree these before anything else. Either of you can stop at any time, for any reason.

Safeword (stop everything)

Slow-down word

Non-verbal signal, for when talking isn't possible

How often to check in

Health things to know about (injuries, joints, circulation, asthma, medication, triggers)

Partner 1

Partner 2

Limits

Hard limits (never, not negotiable in the moment)

Partner 1

Partner 2

Soft limits (maybe, carefully, or ask first)

Partner 1

Partner 2

What's on the table

Mark each one for this scene. Anything not marked yes is off the table this time.

Activities

Blindfold
Holding hands or wrists in place
Light restraints (cuffs, scarf)
Rope
Spanking with a hand
Impact with toys (paddle, flogger)
Temperature (ice, warm hands)
Wax
Praise
Teasing or name-calling
Giving or following orders
Roleplay (adults only)
Dirty talk
Toys
Sexual contact
Marks that might show the next day

Overall intensity for this scene

Very gentleIntense

Anything else you want, or want to avoid

Afterward

Aftercare I would like

Partner 1

Partner 2

When we will talk about how it went

Saved on this device only. The share link contains your answers, so send it only to the person you're planning with.

Tips for negotiating

Start with the safeword. It's the one thing that must be agreed before anything else. Our safeword guide covers how to choose one.
Be specific. "Spanking" can mean many things. Say where, with what, and how hard.
Maybe means no, this time. Come back to it when you're both sure.
Plan the end, not just the scene. Aftercare and a next-day check-in matter as much as what happens during.

Need ideas for the scene itself? The scene planner builds one from your answers. Not sure what's on the table yet? Fill in the yes/no/maybe list separately first, and read our beginner's guide to BDSM for the basics of consent and safety.

Next, try the aftercare plan, or browse our games for couples.

Frequently asked questions

What is a BDSM negotiation checklist?: It's a list of everything to agree on before a scene: who leads, your safeword and signals, health issues, hard and soft limits, which activities are a yes, maybe or no, how intense it should be, and what aftercare each of you needs. Going through it together means nothing comes as a surprise.
Do we need to negotiate every time?: Yes, at least briefly. A long first conversation can become a quick check-in once you know each other well, but limits, health and mood change. If you're trying something new, negotiate it in full first.
What if we're not sure about something?: Mark it maybe or leave it out. Anything that isn't a clear yes is off the table for this scene. You can always come back to it next time.
Is what I type saved or sent anywhere?: It's saved in your browser on this device only, and nothing is sent to us. If you share it, your answers travel inside the link itself, so only send it to the person you're planning with.
How is this different from a BDSM contract?: This checklist is for a single scene. A contract describes an ongoing dynamic: roles, rules and limits over weeks or months. Many people use both. See our BDSM contract template for the longer version.