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Data

Kink popularity: fantasy vs. activity

Wanting something and actually doing it are two different things. These rankings compare how appealing people find each kink to how many have actually tried it, using a single nationally representative U.S. survey so the two lists are directly comparable.

Source: Herbenick et al., "Sexual diversity in the United States," PLOS ONE (2017)— 2,021 U.S. adults (975 men, 1,046 women). "Fantasy" here is the share who rated a behavior "somewhat" or "very" appealing; "activity" is the share reporting lifetime experience with it. Figures are combined across genders unless noted.

Ranked by fantasy

Most appealing to least appealing

  1. 1Being watched masturbating37.6%

    Watching your partner masturbate in front of you / masturbating in front of your partner

    #1 for fantasy · #1 for activity

  2. 2Role play37.4%

    Role playing with a partner

    #2 for fantasy · #4 for activity

  3. 3Bondage (being tied up)29.3%

    Tying up your partner, or being tied up, as part of sex

    #3 for fantasy · #5 for activity

  4. 4Spanking28.4%

    Spanking or being spanked as part of sex

    #4 for fantasy · #3 for activity

  5. 5Anal sex24.4%

    Giving or receiving anal sex

    #5 for fantasy · #2 for activity

    42.6% of men (insertive) / 37.3% of women (receptive) reported lifetime experience.

  6. 6Threesomes22.1%

    Having a threesome

    #6 for fantasy · #8 for activity

  7. 7Impact play (whipping)20.3%

    Playfully whipping, or being whipped, as part of sex

    #7 for fantasy · #7 for activity

  8. 8Group sex16.7%

    Having group sex

    #8 for fantasy · #9 for activity

  9. 9Foot worship15.5%

    Having your toes/feet sucked or licked by a partner

    #9 for fantasy · #6 for activity

    25.6% of men / 10.9% of women reported lifetime experience.

  10. 10Swinging / sex parties11.6%

    Going to a sex party or swinger's party

    #10 for fantasy · #10 for activity

  11. 11BDSM parties / dungeons7.0%

    Going to a BDSM club, party, or dungeon

    #11 for fantasy · #11 for activity

Ranked by activity

Most tried to least tried

  1. 1Being watched masturbating41.5%

    Watching your partner masturbate in front of you / masturbating in front of your partner

    #1 for activity · #1 for fantasy

  2. 2Anal sex40.0%

    Giving or receiving anal sex

    #2 for activity · #5 for fantasy

    42.6% of men (insertive) / 37.3% of women (receptive) reported lifetime experience.

  3. 3Spanking31.7%

    Spanking or being spanked as part of sex

    #3 for activity · #4 for fantasy

  4. 4Role play23.7%

    Role playing with a partner

    #4 for activity · #2 for fantasy

  5. 5Bondage (being tied up)21.1%

    Tying up your partner, or being tied up, as part of sex

    #5 for activity · #3 for fantasy

  6. 6Foot worship18.3%

    Having your toes/feet sucked or licked by a partner

    #6 for activity · #9 for fantasy

    25.6% of men / 10.9% of women reported lifetime experience.

  7. 7Impact play (whipping)15.0%

    Playfully whipping, or being whipped, as part of sex

    #7 for activity · #7 for fantasy

  8. 8Threesomes13.9%

    Having a threesome

    #8 for activity · #6 for fantasy

  9. 9Group sex8.8%

    Having group sex

    #9 for activity · #8 for fantasy

  10. 10Swinging / sex parties5.8%

    Going to a sex party or swinger's party

    #10 for activity · #10 for fantasy

  11. 11BDSM parties / dungeons3.4%

    Going to a BDSM club, party, or dungeon

    #11 for activity · #11 for fantasy

Interest and lifetime experience aren't measuring quite the same question, so treat the rankings as directional rather than exact. Wanting to try something you haven't is common and doesn't need justifying — plenty of people rate a kink appealing years before (or without ever) trying it.