Anal Training: A Gentle Beginner's Guide (and Choosing a First Plug)

Anal training means getting comfortable with anal play gradually, usually with small toys over a few relaxed sessions. It’s for anyone of any gender who’s curious, whether you want to enjoy plugs on their own, get ready for pegging or a strap-on, or simply find out what it feels like.

The word “training” can sound intense, but it really means practice. It isn’t about stretching your body permanently. The muscles there are built to relax and then return to normal; training just teaches them to relax on purpose, so play feels good instead of tense. You go at your own pace, and you only move on when the current step feels easy.

Relaxation and breathing come first

Tension is what makes anal play uncomfortable, so most of the skill is in relaxing.

• Pick a calm time. No rush, no interruptions, and a warm bath or shower first if that helps you unwind.
• Get aroused first. Turn yourself on in whatever way you like. The body relaxes more easily when you’re already enjoying yourself.
• Breathe slowly. Long, deep breaths into your belly. Many people find it helps to breathe out as they gently bear down a little, as the muscles loosen.
• Start on the outside. A lubed fingertip massaging the outside for a while helps the muscles settle before anything goes in.

Lube, and lots of it

The body doesn’t make its own lubrication there, so lube isn’t optional.

• Water-based lube works with every toy and is easy to clean up. Thicker gel types last longer.
• Silicone lube lasts longest, but don’t use it on silicone toys, as it can damage them.
• Use more than you think, and top it up as you go. If anything starts to drag, add more.
• Avoid “numbing” lubes. Pain is useful information, and you don’t want to mask it.

Butt plug for beginners: choosing your first toy

A good first plug makes a huge difference. Look for:

• A flared base, always. This is the one rule that matters most. The body can draw objects inside, so only ever use toys made for anal play with a wide, flared base. Never improvise with household objects.
• Small and slim. Start smaller than you think, roughly the width of a finger or a little more at its widest. You can always size up later.
• Smooth and tapered. A gentle point and a smooth surface go in more easily than ridges or bumps.
• A narrow neck. The thin part just above the base is what your muscles close around, so a slim neck is more comfortable to wear.
• Body-safe material. Platinum-cured silicone is easy to clean and has no porous surface. Glass and stainless steel are also body-safe, and feel heavier.

Many people start with a beginner set of three graduated plugs, which makes a gentle progression easy. Our guide to the best BDSM toys for beginners has more on choosing body-safe gear.

Hygiene, simply

• Go to the toilet and shower beforehand. For most people, especially with small toys, that’s all you need.
• Don’t overdo rinsing. Some people rinse with plain, lukewarm water first, but it isn’t necessary, and doing it often can irritate the lining.
• Trim nails and smooth any rough edges before using fingers. Gloves make cleanup easier.
• Never go from anal to vaginal without washing the toy or changing the condom first, to avoid infections.
• Clean toys after every use following the maker’s instructions, and use a fresh condom on toys you share.

A little mess is normal and nothing to be embarrassed about. Keep a towel and some wipes nearby and move on.

Your first session, step by step

1. Set up. Towel down, lube and toy within reach, phone on silent.
2. Warm up. Get relaxed and aroused, then massage the outside with a lubed finger for a few minutes.
3. Try a fingertip. If that feels good, slowly let one lubed finger in a little way and pause. Let your body get used to it.
4. Lube the plug well. Cover the toy and add more lube to yourself.
5. Go slowly. Press the tip gently against the opening, breathe out, and let it slip in a little at a time. Pause whenever you feel tension and wait for it to ease.
6. Let it settle. Once the widest part passes, the plug will usually settle into place at the neck. Notice how it feels. Fullness or pressure is normal; sharp pain isn’t.
7. Keep it short. A few minutes is plenty the first time. Enjoy it with other touch if you like.
8. Take it out gently. Breathe out, relax, and ease it out slowly by the base.

It’s completely fine if the first session ends at step 3. That still counts as progress.

A gentle progression over weeks

There’s no schedule to keep. A typical path looks something like this:

• Week one or two: fingers and the smallest plug, for short sessions a couple of times a week.
• Once that feels easy: wear the small plug a bit longer, or move gently during it, such as sitting or rolling over.
• When you’re ready: try the next size up, using the same slow warm-up every time, starting with the smaller toy first.
• Rest days are part of it. Give your body a break between sessions, and go back a step whenever you need to.

If a new size doesn’t feel good, it’s not the right day. Go back to the one that does.

How long to wear a plug

• Start short: a few minutes, building up slowly as it stays comfortable.
• Follow the maker’s guidance for your particular toy.
• Take it out if it starts to ache, sting or feel numb, or if you need the toilet.
• Never sleep in one, since you can’t notice if something feels wrong.

With a partner

Anal training can be lovely to explore with someone you trust.

• Agree it first. Talk outside the bedroom about what you each want to try and what’s off the table. Our yes/no/maybe list is an easy way to start.
• The receiver sets the pace. Whoever is receiving decides when to start, how fast to go, and when to stop. Their partner follows.
• Check in often. “More, less, or stay here?” keeps things easy. Agree a safeword or a simple “stop”, and honor it instantly.
• No surprises. Never try anything new without asking in the moment, even if you’ve talked about it before.

If you’re working toward pegging, the same steps apply, and our guide to strap-on harnesses helps when you’re ready for that part.

Stop if…

• There’s sharp or burning pain, rather than fullness or pressure.
• There’s bleeding. A tiny spot may be from going too fast, but stop for the day, and talk to a doctor if it carries on or there’s more than a little.
• Anything goes numb or tingly.
• A toy gets stuck. Don’t try to fish it out: go to urgent care. Medical staff see this often and won’t judge you.
• You or your partner wants to stop, for any reason.

If you have pain that lasts after play, a change in bowel habits, or any ongoing problem down there, talk to a doctor.

Aftercare

Afterwards, have a drink of water, wash up, and give yourself a moment to rest. Some people feel a little tender or tired, which should pass quickly. If you were playing with a partner, a cuddle and a chat about what you liked and what you’d change makes the next time easier. Our page on aftercare has more ideas.

Where to go from here

Anal play pairs well with plenty of other things, from edging to toys used with a partner. If you want to explore more ideas at your own pace, browse the full list of kinks, or read our guide to bottoming for the first time. For gay and bi men exploring kink, our gay kink guide covers safer sex and negotiating with partners.